oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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