I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
