i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
