I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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