i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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