please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
