Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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