dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
