at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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