Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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