I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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