if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Boobs speak an international language.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
