just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
