apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
