Me. At least after what I've been through.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
