I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
