Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
