the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
