This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
