when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
