WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
