I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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