I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
