I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize