Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
