if you like me you must not know who I am
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
