Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize