I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
