She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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