you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
