I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
