happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
