is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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