the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
