Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
