we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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