hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
