So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
