I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
