Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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