Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
