so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
