So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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