just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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