did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
