Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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