OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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