I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
