Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
