If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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