Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
