i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
