now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
