your parents love me but you hate me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So here I am, sexting at work.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
