Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
