she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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