you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
