just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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