Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
