Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
