You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
