Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
