I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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